Mother’s Day is in a few weeks. This year, as with many years, it’ll also be my birthday. A day of celebration, and a day of remembrance. Like so many others, it’s a bittersweet day. Celebrating my own motherhood, with my own children, but missing my mom, and missing the relationship my kids would have had with their grandmother. My mom and I weren’t close my whole life. We weren’t best friends, we didn’t talk 24 times a day on the phone. The last 5 years of her life were the best we shared together, and while she shaped my beliefs and values from infancy, those last five years changed me in many ways. The relationship shifted from her being Lee, my mom, to being Lee, my friend, my fellow mom, and for the first time, my mom shared things with me about doubts and insecurities she’d had herself. Trying to put into words what she meant- what she means- to me- it’s not easy. It’s definitely not sunshine and roses. It’s probably more like partly cloudy and shrubs, but flowery shrubs. Describing what my mom means to me….having to put my heart to paper and find a way to share my mom with you all- it’s not simple. Hallmark and Cafemom challenged me to put into words what my mom means to me as part of the #putyourhearttopaper campaign for Mother’s Day.
What does my MOM mean to me? She meant -and means- so very much to me. We struggled with our relationship on and off for so long- so long, in fact, that I really just never thought we could make amends. Someway, somehow, we did mend those broken fences. We found a way to discover and delight in one another’s company even after the years of anger and hurt. In the game of life, our mother-daughter relationship was the underdog.
My mom would champion for the underdog in any and every single situation. From a kids’ basketball game to patients in a psych ward living with HIV in a time when people didn’t want to admit they were living with HIV, she championed the underdog. It didn’t matter how big or how little that cause was, if there was an underdog, she’d fight for them and cheer them on. She didn’t care what anyone thought, she really just lived her life on her terms… which usually meant helping others in some way.
My mom means getting over the top, emotionally invested and involved in books, movies and performances. I will never forget the night two of my friends slept over and we were watching Free Willy -a movie my mom adored- she couldn’t stay away. By the end, she was on her feet shaking her fist and yelling “Free my Willy!!” with tears streaming down her face. Part of that 15 year old me was mortified that my mom was watching a movie with us, but mostly, I was pretty amazed at the depth of her emotions and how powerful her feelings were. How deep and powerful, but also how strong her convictions were.
Because “Free my Willy” isn’t just about Willy, and it’s not just about a series of movies (which I better watch with my own kids soon…) it’s really how my mom lived her life. She spent many years of her life as a nurse and just as many as a lawyer. Ultimately, she used the knowledge and skills learned from both professions in the end of her days to champion the rights and fighting on behalf of those with disabilities. The underdogs of the world WERE her Willy.
Sometimes I forget about Willy. I forget why it is that I get SO caught up in things emotionally, and have no desire to hide it. Then I see my youngest sitting near me on the couch with tears streaming down her face, feeling so many powerful feelings from a movie, just like her mama -and just like her grama- and my heart about bursts.
I do always cheer for the underdog. It’s not always conscious. Even if it’s a championship game and my team is winning, if it’s a blowout and the other team is the underdog – part of me always feels bad that they got so far and didn’t get that final reward. But I get just as involved when the kids who aren’t the star players finally score that goal or beat their time… and it makes me shine a little brighter inside knowing that my mom -and “her” Willy ways- are still alive and kicking in me. Seeing it come out in my own kids makes me realize, that no matter how much I fought my mom and her ways – the most important parts of who I am were shaped so much from the same core that shaped her.
So on this Mother’s Day, I’ll turn 41. I’ll probably have birthday cake, and I’ll probably open a few presents. I’ll likely also get a little emotional, because I can’t call my mom to wish her happy birthday, or to remind her about FREE MY WILLY!!… but I think we may just start a new tradition and watch some of mom’s favorite movies on Mother’s Day evening. Then I can share more of her with my own kids.
Have you Put Your Heart To Paper recently? Have you thought about what your mom means to you?
Rachel Ferrucci says
Have a happy birthday and I love your idea for a new tradition. I’m blessed to still have my mom with with me but she still misses her mom so we usually go buy a plant and start our flower beds because that’s what my grandmother loved to do. I’m sure that tradition will be passed down to my children so I love your idea of starting a tradition because it’s one that can be passed down! Have a happy Mother’s Day.
Tonia @TheChattyMomma says
I talk to my mom so many times in one day it’s ridiculous.
fancygrlnancy (Nancy Partin) says
I talk to my mom regularly. If I go more than 2-3 days without talking to her it feels weird.
Donna says
Today is my mom’s birthday and we don’t leave near each other, so I didn’t get to see her, we did talk a long time on the phone, though. My mom was a very strict mom, but since my late twenties, she became my best friend. I love her dearly.
Liza @ Views From the 'Ville says
I’m kind of bad about putting pen to paper; I’m more likely to text! But my Mom does write me letters sometimes, I should return the favor for Mother’s Day!
Shell says
What a sweet post. My mom and I aren’t very close, though I still love her very much.
Carly Brydon says
It’s so hard to be without your mom on Mother’s Day. I love that you will start a new tradition with your kids by watching movies that evening.
Janell @ Saving You Dinero says
I have a really awesome mom. I need to tell her this more often.
Yolanda @ Seeing It Their Way says
What a great way to honor your mother on Mothers Day! She sounds like she was an amazing lady!
Rosey says
Love always finds a way. And I can relate to this post in many, many ways. I also want to say my granddaughter’s birthday falls on Mother’s Day this year too, woot!
Candy O says
I love my mom so much. She’s in Texas and Im so glad she gets to visit us often or we go there. I miss my mom so much sometimes.
Chrystal @ YUM eating says
My mom is my best friend. I have been through some horrible things in life and a few of them affected her as well. We’ve never lived far apart, but we don’t talk to each other daily. She gives me space to grow and learn on my own. She is there for me when I need her as I am for her. Her birthday is 2 days after mothers day. This year she will be 60 and in July I will be 40. Milestone years for the both of us.
Anne - Mommy Has to Work says
My mom and I have a great relationship. It’s hard for me to say things on paper though.
Penelope says
My mom is such a strong person that it can feel like she doesn’t need to hear all the mushy stuff. So not true! This is the perfect time of year to let all moms know how special they are.
Crystal says
Well, happy birthday! What a fun Mother’s Day surprise (or close to it) you must have been! It sounds like your mom has made a difference in many people’s lives. Thanks for sharing her with us.
Veronica says
I love my mamma! these posts have walking down memory lane
Amanda O. says
I struggled a lot with my mom during my teenage years. I wouldn’t trade those times for anything though.
Chrysa says
I’m so happy to hear you were able to mend things with your mom. I feel very fortunate to still have my mom in my life.
Christie says
So nice to hear your story about your mom. I bet she would have loved reading this post
Jeanine says
My mom is sadly missed . she passed away when I was 16. I too got emotionally invested everything I’ve watched free Willy. All of them.
Pam says
My mom was amazing. I miss her every day but especially on Mother’s Day.
Liz Mays says
Aww, that is so sweet. It sounds like your mom was an awesome person and this was an awesome tribute to her character.
Ann Bacciaglia says
This is such a great idea. I will have to write my Mom a letter telling her how much she means to me. Hallmark always has the best cards for every occasion.
Dawn says
Your mom sounds like an amazing woman. I always think that people like that are such a blessing to have in our lives.
Stacie @ Divine Lifestyle says
I, too, am blessed with an awesome mom. She’s always been there for me, and I can’t imagine life without her.
Robin Rue (@massholemommy) says
I am lucky to have my mom in my life. We talk every day and I see her a few times a week.