How to Parent an Adult Child Who Doesn’t Take Responsibility
One of the most common frustrations of parents is a child who does not take responsibility for their life. They may not have any plans to live independently, and they may seem happy to continue living under your roof and letting you pay the bills. The good news is that there are several ways you can engage adult children struggling with motivation.
Encourage Them to Be Independent
Give your child the freedom and enough space to make their own choices, even if you see them headed in the wrong direction. They need to be able to learn from their decisions, notthose made for them by their mom. The most important part of having a good relationship with an adult child is to be there if they need you. Allow them to make choices about their own future.
That’s not to say you can’t help them if they ask for assistance. Perhaps they are thinking of going to college to get a degree that will help them support themselves without your assistance. But it can be hard for them to get a student loan on their own, which is why they may ask you to cosign for them. Know that this isn’t a decision you should make without some thought. There are some potential cons of being a cosigner, and you should answer a few questions before deciding whether you can help them in this way.
Validate Their Concerns
Communication with your adult child is a two-way street, meaning you should not do all the talking and expect your child to only listen to you. You should also listen to their own concerns and take time to carefully evaluate their ideas. This shows that you truly value their input and that you are willing to help them think through their opinions.
Don’t impose your own advice on them but listen to what they have to say. This allows you to be supportive of what they want to do. You should also recognize whether you are being supportive. If you are not offering encouragement for what they have accomplished, your child may feel you are being critical of what they are or are not doing. Think about what they have already accomplished and ask yourself what you support in those accomplishments.
Encourage Them to Persevere
Even when things get difficult, persevering will help your child reach their long-term goals. Having passion will help them get there. Perseverance allows your child to stick with the necessary tasks to get there, even if it has gotten challenging. Your child can develop these skills by putting in enough effort, practicing the skills, and spending time on self-reflection.
If your child is struggling, point out other areas they have overcome in the past. This can help your child feel more empowered and able to face obstacles that stand in their way, allowing them to move forward. You might point them toward resources to help, whether that’s a financial advisor or a job coach. Also do not forget that you will need to learn ways to cope when your children leave home, even if that is later in life than either of you planned or expected.